Part I: The Timeline & The Problem

If you're against rape, you should read this.

The timeline

Sometime in the week of the 6th in February 2011, I was walking with my friends to one of their rooms. I live in an off-campus student housing facility. It’s like a dorm-apartment blend, with Resident Assistants on every hall, all male halls, all female halls, and co-ed.

In every hallway there is a bulletin board which the RA is supposed to decorate somehow, usually according to whatever holiday or festivity is going on. Valentine’s Day was coming up, so this board had, “What’s your pick up line?”

Beneath it had a permanent marker and a bunch of blank note cards for residents to write their answers on. To quote my friend who is an RA on campus, leaving a blank and open space for the bulletin board "can quickly transform into one of the most destructive presence of a residence hall community."

Looking at this board, I already had a problem with it because of the very idea of having a “pick up line” – something you (usually a man) says to someone (usually a woman) that enables you to coerce them into sex. Not exactly the most consensual phrase.

With that thought in mind, and my feministey-senses tingling, of course, my friends and I stop to read what has been written. The few that stood out to me were as follows:

“Want to see a garage full of dead babies?” (Or something to that effect, I didn’t get a picture of it)

“Want to know how I know you’re getting laid tonight? ‘Cause I’m bigger than you.” I didn’t get a picture of this either, but I remember it verbatim because it implied rape.

Then, the one I got a picture of, “Let’s not turn this rape doesn’t into a murder!”

Don't ask what that drawing is supposed to be - I have no clue. An electrifying and phallic two thumbs up? Whatever.

So, I rip that note off, take my mighty pen, and write a response. Please note, I do curse, I have no problem with cursing. I would probably appear “calmer” if I didn’t, but I’m always suspicious of folks who only respect a woman when she’s at an appropriate level of “calmness.” So I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something along the lines of, “Whoever the fuck wrote that rape ‘joke’: You’re disgusting. It’s pathetic that you find that funny…there’s something called human decency.”

A few days later I walk by again, and I see this in response to what I wrote:

“LOL! – The Rape Guy <- He’s awesome”

He identified himself as "the rape guy." This should trigger an alarm for y'all.

So Saturday the 12th I made a video on my YouTube channel about the rape jokes made, about a dorm on my campus that is known for having a “rape rock," and about rape culture. A quick note on what the rape rock is: it's apparently a rock that gets passed down to freshman guys that has painted on it, "Rape. It's not rape if she can't say no."

Anyways, I have the video privately listed now, and have re uploaded a new version without the specific references.

The link to the new video is here

Let's proceed, shall we?

Sunday morning around 8 AM about 200 Stop Hate messages were went in to my University.

Sunday afternoon: I reported the incident at the front desk. My name and number was written down. The first RA I spoke to was using many qualifiers with me, sounding almost skeptical about the jokes. The second lady I spoke to was much more understanding and concerned, rightfully so, and every time I’ve met with her she’s been a lot of help. So, I was told “Joel” would contact me when I inquired about a meeting. I also sent an email to corporate and got no response.

Tuesday the 15th: I got stopped while walking out the door by the Resident Director who told me she had SENT out warning letters to that floor and that there was no way an investigation could be done.

See, I didn't appreciate being stopped like that, I had a lot more I wanted to talk about (like investigating who wrote it, programs being scheduled about sexual harassment, etc) and of course don't appreciate being lied to. My friend lives on that floor, and he had received nothing that day.

I'd also like to point out that I never showed the images I took to any of these people. I only quoted the murder/rape joke to the first lady at the front desk, and she didn't write it down.

Wednesday 16th: I called front desk, and got called back by the RD who told me she was GOING to send messages out either Thursday or Friday. I had more questions to be addressed, but was told my specific RA would contact me. She said she sent an email to her “right now.” I got no contact about a meeting from her. (*Now, I also had a meeting with a woman who works for Resident Life about the rape rock. She said that Sunday there was roughly 90 students from the dorm at a meeting on Sunday evening, they were investigating about the rape rock, and alerted the University Police Department about a student who allegedly had it last.)

Friday around noon the 18th: I went to front desk, left name/number/message I wanted to MEET with the RD (Nothing).

Saturday the 19th: My roommate and I alerted the community around 5 PM of the harassment by posting flyers in the stair wells and 2-5 floor of the bulletin boards. They said, “Rape is not funny. Ever. These were jokes posted by residents here, the community needs to be aware.” With the two photos I posted above.

I got a call warning me about MY soliciting, that it is a violation of my lease by doing this.

Let’s note: Soliciting is when you’re trying to sell something. I was not selling anything.

They were angry because some tour group apparently saw the flyers (that was the point), because I needed permission to post flyers, and the RD said, “This is not the way to handle this. I told you I was handling it, I told you I was taking care of it, I am taking care of it.” *I can post a transcript of the voicemail if people are interested*

Also note: threatening me with a violation of my lease after not meeting with me after I requested a meeting is known as retaliation here.

To add another factor in the mix, the Thursday or Friday night before, I found flyers posted on the bulletin boards between the elevators of two pictures of girls that said, “for a good time please call one of us” with their names and numbers, then below “Willing to do: anal, bondage, rimjobs, facials.” I have a copy of the flyer still and a photo of it, but because it shows the girls’ face I don’t want to post it here.

I contacted one of the girls and it turns out it was a couple of her guy friends who wanted to start a prank war. They didn’t get in trouble or reprimanded, and she didn’t want them to.

The first week of March my friends and I are sitting in the cafeteria after it was closed, just talking, and we see flyers being put up. They are always there on the tables, normally about study habits or procrastination. 

This was about sexual harassment! A slight move forward, I thought. But then I saw some issues.

Problem 1) Makes a chart between flirting and sexual harassment.

Problem 2) Says sexual harassment is a violation of SCHOOL RULES.

Problem 3) I found one that had been written on *I’ll post a picture after Spring Break, I left it in my room* It had “is awesome” written in after “sexual harassment” and someone scratched that out writing “muy bueno.” (means "very good")

The problem

Sexual harassment and rape.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here, and becomes a tradition.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here, and becomes a tradition under the guise of a joke.

Next Time

My next post will talk about rape jokes and how important it is to target this younger college demographic. I’ll also talk about how big a part it plays in the rape culture we live in and how we talk about rape. Also, I'd like to have more discussion about the role Universities play (and Resident Assistants, for example) about this culture.

On my video I linked to earlier, I go on more about rape jokes, but I’ll reiterate here as a preview. The big message to take home, folks, is that it’s never “just a joke.”

The Explicación

This started from a paper I wrote a year ago, has been expanded since.

The Explicación

Every semester the first day opens up with ice breakers, yeah? One of the most common: Where are you from?

That question always throws me off. The reason being I’m from lots of places.

When I open my mouth to answer that question, I always stutter because I never really know what I’m going to say. I feel like no matter what I say, an explanation is always needed because being “mixed” is never simple. 

Same thing happens when I speak Spanish in front of anglos, when I blurt out Chilenisimos in front of my Chicana friends, when I translate something differently to my Mexican-American coworkers, when some TexMex slang slips out in Chile, etc. etc. etc.

I love being mixed, it’s amazingly normal and strange to me. I’m my own unique venn diagram that always has to be mapped out to those who would never think of merging those circles and categories. 

For some reason I try to make things easy for others, so I refer to myself as a pale Latina. I can get more specific: I identify as a (Chilean) Latina, as white (Texan), and as biracially both. Heritage-wise? I can break it down. Mapuche + Italians + Spaniards + French + Irish = all of me.

And just to note, “Examining samples of mitochondrial DNA, passed down only from mother to daughters, allowed researchers to come up with the ‘Eve theory,’ that although we also have many other ancestors, all human beings have at least one common female ancestor, part of a small band of several thousand humans from whom we evolved, living in sub-Saharan Africa, about 200,000 years ago” (Aurora Levins Morales, Remedios, 3).

The only time I’ve ever struggled with my identity or being mixed was when people gave me crap for it, presented it to me as if it were some big curse I was truly experiencing but never was aware of.

Like I didn’t realize growing up bilingual was "actually a problem, and not a benefit."

Like I didn’t realize growing up exposed to different cultures was "actually a problem, and not a benefit."

Like I didn’t realize growing up without prejudice to different races was "actually a problem, and not a benefit."

…Please.

Let’s turn one thing around. I refuse to be upset and bothered because they can’t understand. I never have and never will find anything wrong or confusing about me. If anything there’s something wrong with the premise of their questions.

For example.

Knowing I’m bilingual, the very next question is, guaranteed, what was your first language? The asker has conditioned me to only be allowed one language to be first. When, as I said before, the reality is I grew up speaking Spanish and English at the same time. I would go days thinking/speaking only in Spanish, days thinking/speaking only in English, and then days thinking/speaking in Spanglish. This branches into more confusion because other Spanish speakers will pick up on my Chilean slang, and English speakers will pick up on my Texan slang. Y’all are fixin’ to be so confused, porque no cacha ni uno, que fome.

Let’s move on to the bicultural bit.

This was normal for me, to see differences and accept them. I am sad that for some people it was not normal to see differences, and thus differences were strange and creepy and wrong and had a “quick somebody’s different let’s beat them up!” kind of mentality in the air. I’ve gotten in trouble and told to step back in line many times. Yeah, I’ve learned the rules, just like my mother had to when she immigrated. But hey, since when do writers play by the rules? Of all the clashes I’ve had, the most I can do is talk about it, and explain why I’m not bending my ways. There’s no reason for me to. The most common cultural difference I experience every day has to deal with time. I play by ear, I don’t own a watch, and I stay happy. To other anglos? This is a control issue, or it’s lazy, or it’s irresponsible and of all those it’s inexcusable. Time is money and we do not waste it. The more Americans jerk it to a fast-paced life of multitasking and idolizing employees who work themselves into an early grave the more I count in, as it’s called, “Mexican Minutes.” *

I think one of the most prevalent features that sparks confusion is the issue of color. We’ve come to divide and associate race/ethnicity by skin color. Because of this, I don’t even pass as a stereotypical European Spaniard. My brother’s favorite joke is to gasp when he sees me in the hallway, “Oh my bad, I thought I saw a ghost” or “Casper!!” Yeah, I’m pale. Milky. Never experienced a tan, only a burn. Go ahead, count the veins you can clearly see.  Our society perpetuates the image that any real Spanish speaker is a certain shade that I will never fit. As irritating as status quo’s are, I enjoy bursting the bubble of some, being proof that pale Latinas exist.

To give a real world example, I was in a group of 3 other girls in class one day. They looked Latina (by stereotypical standards – and to clarify, nothing wrong with that, just painting the picture). One of them asked, “Do you two speak Spanish?” I looked up about to answer, then realized she wasn’t talking to me (Duh, should have realized by the “two”). I was genuinely sad for a moment. One said no, she forgot. The other said yes. Dammit, I was having a candid moment, so I said “Yeah I do too.” She then asked, “Oh you learned it in school?” Insert bigger sad face here. “No, my mother’s Chilean, I grew up-” (You know the rest). All our faces got red, realizing how awkward interesting it is when stereotypes are so prevalent we’re shocked when they’re broken.

Another benefit that’s come of this is, as mentioned before, seeing “differences” as normal, appreciating them but not freaking out about them. I grew up next to an African American family, and their four daughters. It wasn’t until around fourth grade did we realize that our hair was different. We put grease in my hair, and it wasn’t having the same effect as it did on them. I like to say I grew up semi-color blind. A lot of things were pointed out to me, like when I was hanging out with the latinos in my elementary school who were taking English as a Second Language, then other English speaking white kids “informed me” about what I now recognize as slurs and stereotypes. I also experienced a reenactment of when Babe separated the chickens by color by those same kids. Like I said – confusion came about when I was told to be confused, and differences came about when I was told to treat them like a bad, separating feature. 

Every day it is always there and always marked: My skin in relation to my language at the moment, my language in relation to the place I am in, and my accent in relation to an assumed history. All of this causes nothing but confusion from an outsider, and it is astounding how many outsiders there are, who cannot begin to debunk my identity and my history and how I came to be such a bundle of trilingual, cross cultural characteristics.

Society enjoys boxes and labels and nothing fluid crossing in and out. It is hard for people to wrap their mind around a person who can travel in and out of a giant Venn diagram, and the sentiment towards it is that it is a very messy, confusing thing to be.

There is a Chinese saying that women are like water, and I believe that exemplifies how mixed people are. I am a confusing fluidity, and if society takes that negatively then so be it. Embracing that otherness and being branded as an outsider in a negative fashion? No, I take that in a reverse fashion.

Those who imply my identity should be confusing are the confused ones, and those who do not understand and see this as an impediment are the ones who should reevaluate their preconceived and preset notions. I have concluded that I will never be confused about my identity.

My language has made me and brought me across countries and cultures and continues to move me, and hand in hand with that, my physical traits do not add or diminish anything to my true self or my language. With this conviction I will force the security out of pre-set simple ideals and of uncomplicated and pre-defined boxes with which our language and identity is forced into. Ultimately, I have one personal language, Chilean[sometimes Mexican]Spanish-[Texan]English-Spanglish, because it defines my own personhood, which is never confusing to me.

* See, the world tends to see all Hispanics/Latinos as being Mexican, and alliterations are easy.

 

Blog by Por-La-Boca is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Female to Male to Female

I made a video about gender fluidity. There should be annotations popping up throughout the video, but the writing is in the description as well, and I'll just post them here for good measure. I think it's pretty self explanatory, so there we go :)

Here's the video
Or watch it here

This video is a combination of me always wanting to know and being curious about what i'd look like with a beard, and wanting to express gender fluidity.

Sex =/= Gender =/= Sexuality

Gender is a social construct.

Gender is a performance and we are ALWAYS performing.


About behaviors, roles and ideas relating to someone's sex.

Our society creates a binary where two categories are mutually exclusive.
(Think masculinity and femininity.)

"One is not born a woman, one becomes one."
Simone de Beauvoir

Gender, however, like Sex and Sexuality is fluid, and has a wide range on a spectrum.

People should have the freedom to chose without hatred or discrimination simply because they don't fit certain expectations.


"This is my body. Worry about your own body.
To the people that are looking at other people
and judging them?
Get a life.
It's not your place to say anything
about how anyone is living their life
unless they ask you.
If they don't ask you? Zip it."
- Andrea's C


Music: Black Eyed Peas Don't Phunk with my heart
Jessie J Do it like a dude





Blog by Por-La-Boca is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Victim (versus) Survivor

One of my Kines professors said that she didn’t believe in “rape victims” only “rape survivors.” I have read a lot about this sentiment and I have to disagree.

When you take away the rhetoric of being a victim, you take away the possibility of there being a perpetrator, a crime committed, and something done wrong to that person. Being a survivor and being a victim, I think, are intrinsically linked. Hopefully, if you are a victim, you will survive and rise up against the wrong doing. If you are a survivor, you have to have survived from something, and that is where I feel identifying as a survivor and identifying as a victim are not mutually exclusive. Saying there are no rape victims implies that agency is stripped from all rapists, that they might as well not even be in the picture.

I was a victim, but I am a survivor. I have no shame in saying I was a victim; there is nothing wrong with admitting that.

We associate the victim identification with being weak, and being weak is a bad thing in our culture. We should learn to separate the two and realize, especially when discussing rape, that if you continue to have a negative connotation with being a victim, then you are only furthering victim-blaming and victim-shame.

The spectrum of being a victim and a survivor is something fluid and upwardly progressive, and if someone is struggling with being a victim, then we cannot look at them with shame and harsh judgment because they are “too weak to be a survivor.” Someone struggling with this needs help and support, and then they can move on to survive and help others as well.

After all, who are you to judge who is a "real victim," acting as if their identity in that term is beneath them (you, a stranger to them), and thus "should be a real survivor?" If you are so bent on people being survivors, then it would do you well to respect where they are coming from, (that they do feel like a victim and not to make them feel bad because of it), and help them.

How do you help them? First step: Stop shaming them because you don't believe that there are "rape victims."

Blog by Por-La-Boca is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.