Not offended

I get a lot of comments from people who say “I’m a woman and I’m not offended” or, more recently, “I’m native and I wasn’t offended!” at this video, or in general at whatever discriminatory comment or movie or song or whatever that I’m critiquing.

The reason why this argument doesn’t hold strong is because I could easily find someone who does identify as a woman, or native, and is offended. I could also easily find a GLBTQ ally who is offended. But is this necessary in order for the “unoffended” to recognize what’s wrong? 

If someone in a marginalized community raises a concern, it's quite common that before their concern is even heard they have to legitimize it. This, my friends, is disrespect. Plain and simple.

Usually when someone is offended and recognizes this verbally, they’re met with how wrong it is for them to be offended by a discriminatory statement. They say we ultimately chose to be offended. It's our choice to find it insulting. It's our choice to feel belittled. These are the same people who say marginalized folks shouldn't show pride for their community and identity. Failplz.

So the logic is, “I’m not even insulting your community, and if I am, it’s not offensive or disrespectful because I say so. If you’re offended, that’s your fault.”

Acknowledging when something is discriminatory towards a community, be it your own or one you are an ally in, isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s not a testament to how “thin your skin can be,” how “badly you take humor,” how “tight your ass is,” or how much you just need to “get over shit.”

The people making these insulting statements/jokes, or approve them in media, are usually one of four types.

1)      The Privileged Outsider: The most common. They aren't in the community and are very open with their lack of care. These are the types of people who will go on about how their sense of humor is clearly superior to yours, and you need to “lighten up.”

2)      The Pseudo Ally: They aren’t in the community, but attempt to publically recognize what they did/said was wrong by using a friend as an extension of themselves. “I’m not racist, I have a friend who is black!”

In a larger institution, it might come off as something like Richards stated, the Summers Eve advertising agency founder, as a defense for their racist ads. “Our in house multi-cutural experts confirmed the approach.” 

3)      The Convenient Member: They claim to be in the community to waive any kind of trouble they could get in for being so disrespectful. These people aren’t in the culture in its entirety, but cling onto stereotypes. “My great great long lost grandmother was Cherokee, so don’t think I’m being rude, I’m totally 1/16^th native which makes my Halloween costume okay.” 

4)      The Normative Spokesperson: They are in the community, in the culture, but are still fine with the insults. I’ll direct you here for some examples. 

Regardless of the category, it all boils down to one thing: They have no respect for the concerns of community being targeted.

They don’t care to recognize how damaging stereotyping is.

They don’t care to recognize how hurtful insults are.

They don’t care to recognize how detrimental it can be to treat your culture like it is up for grabs.

They don’t care to acknowledge the very real, dangerous and violent ways that accepting this disrespect can manifest itself.

They don’t care. They don’t care about the community. They don’t care about the people in it.

If you cared about people being raped, you wouldn’t make/laugh at rape jokes.

If you cared about people being beaten to death, you wouldn’t make/laugh at jokes targeting that group.  

If you cared about people being bullied, you wouldn’t enable bullying by discriminating the people being targeted. 

If you cared about people being abused, you wouldn’t accept their abuse by paying money to the people perpetuating it.

And a hint, people who typically experience this = people of color, GLBTQ folks, people who are overweight, underweight, redheaded, disabled in any way, have an accent, women, work in the sex industry, etc. Sometimes these categories and communities intersect.  The bottom line is: They are different and they are marginalized. From something as “little” as a joke to something as real as murder.

Most people don’t like to be disrespected simply because someone more privileged than them decides it’s okay and has a big powerful mouth. People don’t like this because, believe it or not, they like to be treated as people.

So, if you don’t get offended? Who doesn’t recognize the things listed above? You’re entitled to your opinion. But you should at least recognize that in accepting and perpetuating those beliefs, you’re also excluding yourself from a large portion of that wonderful community.

Blog by Por-La-Boca is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

F*cked Up Facebook Finds 2

Second edition of F'd Up Facebook Finds! You know the drill, lower left hand corner is where you can find the report button.

Page #1: "Throwing eggs at a slut, brick shaped eggs - made from brick."

Moar violence and shaming towards women.

What's especially disturbing about this page, and the next one, is that it clearly represents how shaming women can directly lead to and harbor violence. So when reporting, it's up to you to decide if you want to report the page for hate speech towards gender or orientation, or a credible threat of violence. So far I have been reporting under hate speech towards gender or orientation.

Page #2:  "Kick the bitch, why? coz shes a slut"

I'm noticing a disgusting theme here.

When someone is trying to degrade women or discount what they say/believe/their existence for whatever reason, it's very typical for them to simply call her a slut.

Don't like what she said? Call her a slut. Don't like what she's wearing? Call her a slut. Don't like how she's (not) talking at all? Call her a slut. We can also replace this with the word bitch, which is very common as well. If you hook up with her, she's a slut. If she won't hook up with you, she's a bitch. If you think she's ugly, sluttybitchbitch. If she engages in sexual activity at any level (depending on the person doing the insulting) she's a slut.

People have no right to look down on women. They especially don't have a right to look down on women simply because they don't like the fact she's a sexual being. Her sex life is not your business.

And if she is going to talk about her sex life, it doesn't matter if she's had one sex partner or 22, it's not your place to judge or shame her.

Please, go read this and pay heavy attention to the effects of slut shaming.

Page #3: "I'm not sexist, sexism is wrong, and being wrong is for women."

Sexism attempts syllogisms. This seems innocent because it seems like such an outrageous joke, nobody could possibly agree with it. "We all know women aren't actually wrong in all aspects of life, we're just joking." Jokes like these are maintained when a real argument or disagreement comes up. Not only is a joke like this a reflection of real values in our culture, a page like this on Facebook fosters a place where women can be bashed, openly, and it's all okay!

We have gems such as this from the people who liked it, "I think it's so effing funny when bitches crack the shits about sexist jokes. Like fuck, pull the wooden spoon out of your ass and cook me something, fuck."
 
"Put a dick in it females or get back to the kitchen."

"i know this is a joke page. but seriousley women are fucking retarded. only good for rooting. coz the birds i know cant even cook fucking shit cunts"

Additionally, there are plenty of other racist comments mimicking the page title such as, "I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for aboriginals."


Note, there are multiple versions of this page, some other ones besides the one I linked are here, here and here.

 Page #4: "Dropping a spoon and naming your Chinese kid after the noise it makes"


Amongst 99% of the comments spouting "ting, ching chong hurhur" there's also wonderful comments such as this one, "I named mine Squints, does that count?"

Don't think I need to explain the racism behind this, but encase you want some reading, check out this wiki entry here.


Happy reporting!

F*cked Up Facebook Finds

Facebook has a nifty thing called pages. They are "pages" that are funny, represent something or someone you like, or are interested in. It's just one click and it's attached to your profile, under "info."

Sometimes pages are created that are incredibly offensive, luckily Facebook has a "report page" option. The thing is, they won't get removed unless a lot of people report it.

With that said, I have come across a few pages recently that I would appreciate being reported, and I need your help!

Page #1: "you know shes playing hard to get when your chasing her down an alleyway."

Tiring and typical. An assault/rape joke.

Page #2: "There is a new anti depressant drug for lesbians, It's called "Trycoxagain".

The message: Lesbians are depressed because they haven't found the right dick. Try cocks again, you'll be happy, and straightened out.

Page #3: "'I took my girlfriend out last night' 'really?' 'yeah one punch!'"

Violence towards women! Whoop!


Again, please report these pages. Go to the lower left corner of the page and you will see the button to report.


PS: I know that in my last post I said I was going to continue talking about the rape rock and related issues, and I still plan on writing more and keeping up with this blog, but it seems like that'll happen when I move. Same thing with my youtube videos, more is going to come, but with moving in less than two weeks that's my priority.

Part I: The Timeline & The Problem

If you're against rape, you should read this.

The timeline

Sometime in the week of the 6th in February 2011, I was walking with my friends to one of their rooms. I live in an off-campus student housing facility. It’s like a dorm-apartment blend, with Resident Assistants on every hall, all male halls, all female halls, and co-ed.

In every hallway there is a bulletin board which the RA is supposed to decorate somehow, usually according to whatever holiday or festivity is going on. Valentine’s Day was coming up, so this board had, “What’s your pick up line?”

Beneath it had a permanent marker and a bunch of blank note cards for residents to write their answers on. To quote my friend who is an RA on campus, leaving a blank and open space for the bulletin board "can quickly transform into one of the most destructive presence of a residence hall community."

Looking at this board, I already had a problem with it because of the very idea of having a “pick up line” – something you (usually a man) says to someone (usually a woman) that enables you to coerce them into sex. Not exactly the most consensual phrase.

With that thought in mind, and my feministey-senses tingling, of course, my friends and I stop to read what has been written. The few that stood out to me were as follows:

“Want to see a garage full of dead babies?” (Or something to that effect, I didn’t get a picture of it)

“Want to know how I know you’re getting laid tonight? ‘Cause I’m bigger than you.” I didn’t get a picture of this either, but I remember it verbatim because it implied rape.

Then, the one I got a picture of, “Let’s not turn this rape doesn’t into a murder!”

Don't ask what that drawing is supposed to be - I have no clue. An electrifying and phallic two thumbs up? Whatever.

So, I rip that note off, take my mighty pen, and write a response. Please note, I do curse, I have no problem with cursing. I would probably appear “calmer” if I didn’t, but I’m always suspicious of folks who only respect a woman when she’s at an appropriate level of “calmness.” So I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but it was something along the lines of, “Whoever the fuck wrote that rape ‘joke’: You’re disgusting. It’s pathetic that you find that funny…there’s something called human decency.”

A few days later I walk by again, and I see this in response to what I wrote:

“LOL! – The Rape Guy <- He’s awesome”

He identified himself as "the rape guy." This should trigger an alarm for y'all.

So Saturday the 12th I made a video on my YouTube channel about the rape jokes made, about a dorm on my campus that is known for having a “rape rock," and about rape culture. A quick note on what the rape rock is: it's apparently a rock that gets passed down to freshman guys that has painted on it, "Rape. It's not rape if she can't say no."

Anyways, I have the video privately listed now, and have re uploaded a new version without the specific references.

The link to the new video is here

Let's proceed, shall we?

Sunday morning around 8 AM about 200 Stop Hate messages were went in to my University.

Sunday afternoon: I reported the incident at the front desk. My name and number was written down. The first RA I spoke to was using many qualifiers with me, sounding almost skeptical about the jokes. The second lady I spoke to was much more understanding and concerned, rightfully so, and every time I’ve met with her she’s been a lot of help. So, I was told “Joel” would contact me when I inquired about a meeting. I also sent an email to corporate and got no response.

Tuesday the 15th: I got stopped while walking out the door by the Resident Director who told me she had SENT out warning letters to that floor and that there was no way an investigation could be done.

See, I didn't appreciate being stopped like that, I had a lot more I wanted to talk about (like investigating who wrote it, programs being scheduled about sexual harassment, etc) and of course don't appreciate being lied to. My friend lives on that floor, and he had received nothing that day.

I'd also like to point out that I never showed the images I took to any of these people. I only quoted the murder/rape joke to the first lady at the front desk, and she didn't write it down.

Wednesday 16th: I called front desk, and got called back by the RD who told me she was GOING to send messages out either Thursday or Friday. I had more questions to be addressed, but was told my specific RA would contact me. She said she sent an email to her “right now.” I got no contact about a meeting from her. (*Now, I also had a meeting with a woman who works for Resident Life about the rape rock. She said that Sunday there was roughly 90 students from the dorm at a meeting on Sunday evening, they were investigating about the rape rock, and alerted the University Police Department about a student who allegedly had it last.)

Friday around noon the 18th: I went to front desk, left name/number/message I wanted to MEET with the RD (Nothing).

Saturday the 19th: My roommate and I alerted the community around 5 PM of the harassment by posting flyers in the stair wells and 2-5 floor of the bulletin boards. They said, “Rape is not funny. Ever. These were jokes posted by residents here, the community needs to be aware.” With the two photos I posted above.

I got a call warning me about MY soliciting, that it is a violation of my lease by doing this.

Let’s note: Soliciting is when you’re trying to sell something. I was not selling anything.

They were angry because some tour group apparently saw the flyers (that was the point), because I needed permission to post flyers, and the RD said, “This is not the way to handle this. I told you I was handling it, I told you I was taking care of it, I am taking care of it.” *I can post a transcript of the voicemail if people are interested*

Also note: threatening me with a violation of my lease after not meeting with me after I requested a meeting is known as retaliation here.

To add another factor in the mix, the Thursday or Friday night before, I found flyers posted on the bulletin boards between the elevators of two pictures of girls that said, “for a good time please call one of us” with their names and numbers, then below “Willing to do: anal, bondage, rimjobs, facials.” I have a copy of the flyer still and a photo of it, but because it shows the girls’ face I don’t want to post it here.

I contacted one of the girls and it turns out it was a couple of her guy friends who wanted to start a prank war. They didn’t get in trouble or reprimanded, and she didn’t want them to.

The first week of March my friends and I are sitting in the cafeteria after it was closed, just talking, and we see flyers being put up. They are always there on the tables, normally about study habits or procrastination. 

This was about sexual harassment! A slight move forward, I thought. But then I saw some issues.

Problem 1) Makes a chart between flirting and sexual harassment.

Problem 2) Says sexual harassment is a violation of SCHOOL RULES.

Problem 3) I found one that had been written on *I’ll post a picture after Spring Break, I left it in my room* It had “is awesome” written in after “sexual harassment” and someone scratched that out writing “muy bueno.” (means "very good")

The problem

Sexual harassment and rape.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here, and becomes a tradition.

Sexual harassment and rape on college campuses that claim to be safe or free of that threat, when in actuality rape culture is fostered here, and becomes a tradition under the guise of a joke.

Next Time

My next post will talk about rape jokes and how important it is to target this younger college demographic. I’ll also talk about how big a part it plays in the rape culture we live in and how we talk about rape. Also, I'd like to have more discussion about the role Universities play (and Resident Assistants, for example) about this culture.

On my video I linked to earlier, I go on more about rape jokes, but I’ll reiterate here as a preview. The big message to take home, folks, is that it’s never “just a joke.”