If anyone recalls my other blogpost about how our bodies are not here to be wallpaper for men and that we are only considered valuable if we look sexy (an inachievable prescribed type of sexy) - well this relates.
These two events involve being scrutinized and insulted about my weight.
Now, I have a hard enouh time keeping my self esteem up with the pressure from other every day external sources we all know about, the media, etc. Just because we know theres a problem with having a warped view of beauty and body idealism and pressure doesnt mean we cannot also fall victim to it. Because we are meant to feel shamed, we react with pride. So it takes a lot of mental and emotional energy for me to feel pride, not feel ashamed, maintain some decent level of confidence and simultaneously, actively try to lose weight. Did i also mention I have hashimotos disease? Okay. That being said...
Im sick to fuck of our bodies being picked apart publically, as if open for damn debate, opinion and consensus. Discriminating, judgemental assholes have the problem of 'viewing' when they see something strange, or really obviously ignoring it because heaven forbid something undesired come into eyesight. But opening your mouth is another damn thing.
So my fiance had his wisdom teeth taken out. His mom invites us over for dinner a few nights later. Sure, why not. When we get there she says we will probably have omelettes. My fiance having just gotten off a huge day of work suggests fish and chips since that is also soft and more filling and we can just pick it up, nobody has to cook, etc!
FMIL: "but thats not good for Tiffany's waist"
Fiance: "her waist is fine"
FMIL "no it's not!"
And she proceeds to look at me and I'm trying to be patient and not react. Take the calm road or whatever the fuck. I don't even look at her. She changes the subject, then later my fiance comments on how good our cottage pie was we tried to make (for the first time evar~) and how funny it was we had to mash potatos with a spoon and fork. Her response?
"No wonder Tiffany is having weight problems."
...it took everything inside me not to explode. I really regret holding it in, to be honest. She, in particular, is really bad. Every time I see her she is on me about my weight, asking if or when or why haven't I gone to the gym, and even going regularly multiple times a week I was, to quote, "probably doing something wrong and needed a personal trainer." This night was probably the worst comment she had ever made to me, directly and blatantly.
The second incident was at my job. I was lacing up corsets while my coworker was checking a girl out. I wasn't even in their chit-chat conversation. She saw we had plus size costumes, commenting "wow you usually don't see that, big girls in sexy outfits." Then waved at me saying "no offense." Im sorry but what the fuck? What in the actual fuck? It was really awkward for me and my coworker. I just smiled and walked off continuing to do my job.
Are people so entitled they think they can shame, humiliate, insult, debate, and flat out negatively comment on my body because im not xyz size or measurements? Are they really that up themselves?
My fiances mom, i think, has good intentions but who gives a shit. Its not her job to care about my weight, its never been her concern. Even if she did want to be caring it requires an element of support, not negativity. She as a person is a whole different case, but as a representation of the type of fuckwit who thinks theyre doing a good public deed by flat out insulting people, she paints a good picture I'd say.
Even if the comments were "positive" its still inappropiate. Like that girl in the shop. "Oh wow big girls can try to look sexy too, even though theyre bigger!" lolstfu! Hiding behind the "compliment" is bull because its still discriminatory, coming from a priviliged person.
To assume that people are in such a horrible state based on nothing but fucked up perceptions of beauty and attraction, that you think its a okay to insult- oh wait these people dont even consider it an insult thats right theyre helping, okay- to comment on that persons body and life that you know NOTHING about is entirely and completely wrong.
I'll put it simply: unsolicited comments are unsolicited. If someone wants your opinion, they will ask. This includes "compliments" and "help". If you cant contain yourself because someone near you isnt a size 6,